GPS LOL: As usual there are plenty of tasty news items for us to chew on.
This week we start in Ontario, where a woman drove her car into a lake after too closely following directions from the vehicle’s GPSsystem. I guess in her case, the letters “GPS” stood for “Global Poolfinding System”.
SHARK SNARK: Meanwhile in Florida, a woman was admitted to hospital with a two-foot shark attached to her arm. The amazing thing is, she says she’s not scared of going back into the water. Gee, if that happened to me, I would never go near water again. I may even install steel bars over my toilet.
BABY BULLETIN: A woman from Hythe, Alberta made national headlines by giving birth to quadruplets. Months ago, when she mentioned the words “new quads” to her husband, he thought she was talking about checking out a new Honda or Polaris 4-wheel ATV. ------------The new babies are all girls. Experts say the odds of giving birth to naturally conceived quadruplets are roughly one in 67 million.
That’s the same odds a father of four teenage daughters has of ever getting into the bathroom.
CASTLE FOR SALE: Meanwhile in Romania, Dracula’s castle is for sale. It’s the actual spooky scary castle that inspired the Dracula vampire stories, and you could be the lucky purchaser. You can make an offer online with your name and contact information. Be sure to include your blood type.
CRIME NEWS: In Colorado, a babysitter took two little kids along on a bank robbery. Hey, it’s never too early for children to learn about money.
BRAZIL BROUHAHA: Some Canadian athletes were on CBC saying they may not attend the Rio Olympics because of health concerns. Others are planning to go -- because most of the unhealthy stuff in Rio involves having a fever. And Canadians will do anything to feel warm.
CAR CHAOS: For a couple of years now we’ve been hearing how the Internet company Google is developing self-driving cars. Last week they made one of the most ridiculous announcements I’ve ever seen. Google said they will protect pedestrians by covering their self-driving cars with a special glue. If the car hits a pedestrian - the pedestrian will stick to the hood. (This is true. If you don’t believe me, Google it!) Thisactually sounds like an idea from a Roadrunner cartoon - a product of the Acme Corporation. ------- Here’s my question about glue on cars: My neighbor’s cats walk all over my car - will I be riding in my new car with cats stuck all over it?
WHAT’S THAT IN THE SKY? In an Internet survey: 18 percent of Canadians say they believe there may be a conspiracy to cover up the existence of UFOs. I believe in UFOs and conspiracy theories as much as the next guy. But I’m pretty sure the next guy is actually a space alien cleverly disguised as the next guy.
WOOD WONDER: A new 100 million dollar skyscraper in London will be made from wood. Why will it cost 100 million dollars? Well - wood doesn’t grow on trees. There are also plans for an 18 story wooden building in Vancouver. Currently the world’s tallest wooden building is in Norway.
It’s 14 stories high and made from Norwegian Wood. Hey, wait a minute. “Norwegian Wood”? That was a song by the Beatles. In other news: The Norwegian navy has a Yellow Submarine.
PLANT PROBLEM: A new study says 20 percent of the world’s plant species are at risk of extinction. Do you remember those people with their campaign - “Save The Whales”? They’ve switched to - “Save The Brussels Sprouts”.
DUD SPUD: A study published last week shows a direct link between potatoes and a number of health problems, including high blood pressure. A doctor who examined Mr Potato Head said he’s so sick -- his arms and legs could drop off any minute.
JOSTLING JUSTIN: Prime Minister Trudeau has now apologized several times for the nasty incident where he elbowed another politician during an altercation in the House of Commons. Times sure have changed. Now when people say they’ve rubbed elbows with our nation’s leader - it means something very different.