WORM WARNING: We start our news chewing session with a very scary science item. Last week scientists announced they have woken up ancient worms that were frozen under Arctic ice for 40,000 years. The worms are awake again and wiggling. For gosh sakes -- HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM HORROR MOVIES???!!!
RODEO REPORT: In Calgary, hundreds of cowboys are in town for the famous Calgary Stampede. It’s easy to spot a real cowboy. He’s the guy who walks like he was just frisked by an over-enthusiastic airport security agent.
BIKES AND BULLS: In Europe they don’t have rodeos, they have events like the Tour De France and the Running of the Bulls in Spain. The winner of each day’s section of the Tour de France bicycle race gets to wear a yellow shirt. There’s also a daily prize for “Tightest, Shiniest Black Bicycle Pants”.
BULL BULLETIN: Meanwhile in Pamplona, Spain, it was the annual Running of the Bulls. People run through the streets, chased by bulls. The object of the game is to avoid being gored or trampled. You lose points for being gored. You lose extra points for being trampled. A gored/trampled combination can lead to disqualification. A promoter tried to combine the Tour de France and the Running of the Bulls. But he couldn’t find any bulls who can ride a bike.
FLOOD FIASCO: In Orlando, Florida: Heavy rain flooded the Sea World amusement park. Gee, I wonder if any of the fish made a break for it.
FISH FACT: Canadian wildlife experts are asking people to stop releasing goldfish into lakes and rivers, they are a serious threat to native fish species. Last week near Terrace, BC, a lake was closed for fishing because of invasive goldfish, which prey on the local fish. By the way: Today I will be giving my goldfish his annual performance review. We have several issues to review before I can see my way clear to upgrading the castle in his bowl.
DISNEY DUST UP: Last week there was a violent brawl at Disneyland, with a crowd of people throwing punches, kicking and biting. One report said Disneyland has a growing crime problem. No kidding -- somebody stole Donald Duck’s pants.
SNOWY SASKATCHEWAN: Last week parts of Saskatchewan had several centimeters of snow. A Native friend of mind who likes to try to kid me says the word “Saskatchewan” is an ancient indigenous word which translates as “anything can happen, and probably will”. Meanwhile, folks in Saskatchewan have a word for “snow in July”. And that word is “ridiculous”.
PEE PARTICULARS: On CBC a doctor said urine therapy has health benefits and more people are trying it. Urine therapy is where you drink your own pee. Gosh, I’d like to try it. Honest, I really would. But unfortunately -- I’m pee intolerant.
KALE KONSUMPTION: Also on CBC, a health item reported more people are eating kale. Here’s a tip: If you mix extra virgin olive oil into your kale and stir gently, it’s much easier to scrape it into the trash can.
SUBMARINE SNARK: On TV they interviewed a man in California who built a fully functioning submarine in only ten weeks. Hey, a buddy of mine went out on Swan Lake and converted his boat into a submarine in only ten minutes.
FB LOL: Contradicting an earlier study, a new study shows Facebook is not depressing for everybody. The secret is a very simple rule: When you’re on Facebook do NOT reveal information about your age, your job, where you live, your friends, your family, your hobbies, your pets, what you eat, your hobbies, your vacations, your politics, where you shop, your religion, or any other stuff. Follow that rule and you’ll be OK.
BOREDOM BULLETIN: I saw a note on the Internet that said July is Anti-Boredom Month. Never underestimate the power of boredom. There was once a guy who was so bored he sat around rubbing two sticks together. And now we have fire.