WEATHER WOES: Our news chewing session starts with last week’s extremely cold weather. Ridiculously low temperatures were experienced across Canada. How cold was it? It was colder than the cold shoulder the Conservative Party gave to Andrew Scheer. Here in the Peace Country we shivered with the rest of the nation. I was at the mall when my wife texted me: “Windows frozen. Won’t open”. I texted back: “Pour on warm water”. She texted me 10 minutes later: “Computer really messed up now”.
ROYAL REPORT: As temperatures dropped, some Canadians got hot under the collar about the expense of security for Harry and Meghan. I thought, “Gee, it’s cold, I hope Prince Harry remembers to pack his crown with the built-in earmuffs”. The British Royals had a big family meeting to discuss their situation. (Prince Andrew wasn’t there. He couldn’t get time off from his new job at McDonalds) After the meeting Queen Elizabeth said she supports Harry and Meghan’s plan to live outside the UK half of the year. But when they visit Buckingham Palace, they will have to use visitors parking. Plus, if they are absent from the UK for longer than six months, it will mean automatic cancellation of dental. Prince Harry said he wants to be financially independent, he’s looking for a job in Canada. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau now has a beard. And Harry has a beard. Maybe Justin can hire Harry to be his personal beard consultant.
SNOWBALL STUDENTS: Last week in Vancouver, the University of British Columbia organized a huge snowball battle for students to enjoy. The event was cancelled, students couldn’t get to campus, there was too much snow on city streets. I think every winter pitchers from Major League baseball should get together and have a snowball fight. Hey, it’s just a suggestion!
SAUDI SNOW: And as further proof the world’s weather is going nuts,last week in in Saudi Arabia they had snow and sub-zero temperatures. Yes, in Saudi Arabia. Gee, there’s nothing worse than sitting on a camel with a frozen hump!
OSCARS: Last week the Oscar nominations were announced. They should give an award for “Most Misleading Movie Trailer”. The winner is the trailer that caused millions of people to go see a movie they thought would be great but it turned out to be lousy.
RUBBER REDO: Scientists at McMaster University in Hamilton have developed a way to dissolve rubber tires. This could be a very big deal in the quest to create new recycled materials. Maybe they could send some of the new stuff to the White House in Washington. It could be used to create a rubber room for the crazy guy who lives there.
FROSTY FUN: Near the village of Warburg, southwest of Edmonton, a family built a huge snowman on their acreage. Their Frosty is 23 feet tall. Here’s my question: How come the only famous snowman is Frosty, despite the thousands of snowman kids make? And the only thing thatmade him special was that darn hat. It’s just not fair!
AMAZING ASPARAGUS: A British woman says she predicts the future by “reading” asparagus. She throws asparagus spears in the air -- looks at them on the floor and predicts what will happen. Last week she predicted she would be asked to leave a restaurant where she threw asparagus on the floor. My Mom could predict the future with broccoli. If I left uneaten broccoli on my plate, she predicted I would be served the same broccoli every day until I ate it.
INTERN INTUNE: An interesting story about space: On his third day of working at NASA, a 17 year old intern using a telescope found a new planet. I started a new job when I was 17. On my third day -- I finally located the mensroom.