DISNEY DOLLARS: We start our news chewing tour in Disneyland, where their slogan is “The Happiest Place On Earth”. Maybe they should change that to “The Most Expensive Place On Earth”. After they announced a big increase in Disneyland admission prices. The only way a family with kids can afford to go there is if they sell one of their kids. As you enter Disneyland they frisk you to make sure you don’t have weapons. As you leave Disneyland they frisk you again, to make sure you don’t have money.
MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER: Our next stop is Australia, where last week the temperature hit 50 Celsius. How hot was it? One Aussie guy threw his boomerang and as it moved through the air it burst into flames.
COSTCO CHAOS: As a follow up to last week’s story about their big buckets of Nutella, Costco is now selling even bigger buckets of Mac and Cheese. It’s a 27 pound bucket of Mac and Cheese with a shelf life of 20 years. Coincidentally, 20 years is how long I once stood in the checkout line at Costco in Grande Prairie.
PO’d: Canada Post raised the price of stamps. Whenever I go to the Post Office I’m always in line behind a little old lady who says to the clerk: “Please show me an assortment of your most decorative stamps so I can take time to make my selection”.
MOVIE NEWS: In the works, a new “Ghostbusters” movie. Times have changed. In the new movie, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man will be the Stay Puft Sugar-Free, High-Fiber, Gluten-Free Marshmallow Man. (For the new Ghostbusters movie the updated song will be “Who Ya Gonna TEXT?”)
DOGGY DETAIL: It’s not just humans who enjoy movies. Now open in the town of Plano, Texas: A dog-friendly movie theater. Imagine this: A theater full of dogs. A couple hundred dogs all looking at the screen. It’s a 3-D movie. Suddenly there’s a scene in the movie where a guy throws a Frisbee. Mayhem.
MOVIE MONEY: 2018 was the highest grossing year for Hollywood moviesever. Movie theaters are so busy, there’s a shortage of the special stuff they put on the floor to make it sticky.
SPILL THRILL: And speaking of sticky: Near Flagstaff, Arizona, a tanker truck flipped and spilled 3,500 gallons of liquid chocolate on a highway. Imagine that, 3,500 gallons of delicious gooey chocolate!Local authorities declared a fondue.
DEODORANT DAMAGE: Scientists say those strong 48 hour deodorants contain chemicals that damage the environment. That’s why I always use a 47 hour deodorant.
TOY TALE: According to a news report, Yellies were the most requested toy at Christmas. A Yellie is a furry creature that runs across the floor when your kids yell at it. I heard if your kids yell extra loud, the creature wets itself. Yellies are very finely-tuned acoustically. They only respond when kids yell. They do not respond when parents sob uncontrollably.
SKOOL DAZE: A new study shows high school students get better grades when classes start mid-morning. Plus, the late start gives your dog a little extra time to finish eating your kid’s homework.
MOON MEMO: Astronomers say the moon is moving away at about four inches per year. The moon’s gravity creates ocean waves here on Earth. In ten billion years from now, surfboard stores will go out of business.
WHO’S THERE? Astronomers using a new radio telescope in BC’s Okanagan Valley intercepted signals from a faraway galaxy. The signals are hard to translate. Some experts believe they say: “Hey, Earthlings, send more space probes. They are delicious!”
WHY FLY: Several commercial airlines are suggesting passengers should tip flight attendants for good service. Maybe we should slip a few bucks to the pilot if he lands the plane at the right airport.
FLY FACT: It was announced 2018 was a record-breaking year for the North Peace Regional Airport in Fort St John. The airport security staff are always courteous and friendly. But not too friendly. Being frisked by someone with a big smile can be kind of creepy.